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Have u ever wonder…

All the hugs, all the “i need mummy” phase, all the laughter, and also all the annoying moments too. Have u ever wonder how long will u get to keep all this moments. How long till they don’t need u anymore or will u live long enough to even experience it more? Can we just stop the time and be here a little longer? Hugs a little longer. Kisses. And more hugs. I looked at my girls sleeping, i wonder… am I lucky enough to be here for my babies. It is sad. Very sad. But thats the truth. Its either they grow up and not needing u anymore or simply u just hmm die.  2020 was a year i became a mother. Its was the hardest 6months. As time goes by i find being a mother is actually very rewarding. She’s complete me. 2021 was a year i became a mother of 2, it the 1st year my husband become a full time dad coz of the pandemic. It was hard seeing how rough he is with the baby, but i know his learning. I am very grateful of every time we have together due to the pandemic. Financially hard, but if ...
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Things people asked that annoys me as a mother.

 I was blessed with overflow breastmilk even after feeding my daughter. It was very tiring. I remember i was woke by my breast being too full and it was hurting me. So basically i had to pump to get it out, so there’s just so many stored breastmilk. So many. I am staying with my MIL, so basically the fridge that everyone is using is currently full with my breastmilk. Than came this super annoy question that being ask several times. Like i am not kidding, several time. Coz I remember i had to ignore the 1st time it was asked because in my head was like. Do my daughter ever crying because of hunger? Like why u even asked?  Sorry. Not question. More like telling. She was like “dont pump, give ur daughter.” I would love to skip pumping coz my daughter don’t even drink from a bottle. I pump because it was needed to be done or i will be suffering with a really hurtful and hard breast. Although i had a lot of breastmilk, my baby is not like other babies. The kind that so chubby so cu...
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Postpartum

After birth, there’s this mix feeling keep bothering me. The facts that i need to accept my life change 360. Before labour i got to spend 24/7 with my husband due to MCO. We got to go breakfast together (my most favourite time to date), hangout in the same room. Talk. As u get older, u started to appreciate this little things and even crave for it. After labour, life change. You don't get to go breakfast anymore, because of the baby. Too risky to go out in this pandemic. Less time spending together because of the pandemic and baby and not to mention the tiredness of taking care of your newborn. No more quality sleep. No more eating in peace. No more me time and time with husband.  Above all that, what i was concerned about was will my husband look me the same way. Will he still think im pretty? Hot? All 11years together he only said once that im pretty. I mean i should not be bother. But i did at that time. I feel so ugly because of the tiredness. The trying to adjust to everything...
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Why caesarean?

At 22weeks, did an ultrasound and the baby head is a bit big. I was asked to take the sugar drink to check my sugar level. At 37weeks, i undergo ECV where the doctor at hukm push the baby head into head-down position. Coz at that time the baby is still head-up position or breech, i was given an option to either do ECV, caesarean or baby come out bum 1st. Baby come out bum 1st was never an option for the doc, we the doctor advice too risky. Honestly, I already make up my mind to just accept caesarean as an option. But the doctor insisted to do ECV coz of my age, the position of the baby and etc. She so insisted that she even left me speechless and just agreed to do ECV. The ECV was successful.  On the 1/7/2020 blood come out. My sister advised to wait for a contraction every 5minutes. Around 4am i experience stomach pain, the kind of pain that I just can’t handle and cant really sleep. So I decided to go the the hospital, the doc in charge at that time, checked and said it only open...
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What do i learn with Aleesa as a baby? 1st baby.

That you need to be alert. Alert on her cues, Movement means hungry or something is wrong. To change diapers every 2 hours and feed after.  Don't be stingy on diapers or lazy. Coz as a mother once you see’s the rashes the baby will have due to your stinginess or laziness it break your heart and you start to blame yourself. And not to forget feed the baby. Don't wait until the baby ask u to feed her, because if you do that is when you will encounter a "Hangry baby" simply because they are hungry and angry. At least try. Yes. there will be a day that the baby will be overfeed and the baby will throw up and you start to feel like should I still feed the baby? Yes! Feed her! She smart. She’ll learn when to stop. You, stop worrying so much. You done your best. Try to do everything in sequence or consistence. So she know her cues. For example, take a shower at 8am and 5pm everyday. After  diaper  changing will follow with feeding. Last feeding...
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why write?

Simply because I wan to remember and revisit all of this feeling of mine one day.
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What i wish i knew before going into labour/warded? #hospital bag

  To expect the expected. To expect to have to be warded at least 3days max 5days. I read a lot of blog what to bring and all, but non of them explain why and be specific. We all need to know why to understand better right? Or is it just me? I wish someone would tell me this. Bear in mind this is if u are delivering at a gov or semi gov hospital. Coz at gov u do everything ur self. No nurse will help u change ur baby diaper, they got other things to do. So What to prepare?   Baby;  hospital love baby to wear short sleeve and a 2piece. So bring 5 sets. Why short sleeve? Its easy for them fo run test at the baby, if they need too. Dont worry about the baby being cold coz they will wrap ur baby. Dont forget to learn too if u there, or before labour. Important! Pampers approximately 12pieces a day coz u need to change every 2hours even if it is just pee. Like I always said to my husband, would u still want to wear the same pants if u know u already pee on it? (Thats another s...
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