Postpartum

After birth, there’s this mix feeling keep bothering me. The facts that i need to accept my life change 360. Before labour i got to spend 24/7 with my husband due to MCO. We got to go breakfast together (my most favourite time to date), hangout in the same room. Talk. As u get older, u started to appreciate this little things and even crave for it. After labour, life change. You don't get to go breakfast anymore, because of the baby. Too risky to go out in this pandemic. Less time spending together because of the pandemic and baby and not to mention the tiredness of taking care of your newborn. No more quality sleep. No more eating in peace. No more me time and time with husband. 

Above all that, what i was concerned about was will my husband look me the same way. Will he still think im pretty? Hot? All 11years together he only said once that im pretty. I mean i should not be bother. But i did at that time. I feel so ugly because of the tiredness. The trying to adjust to everything. Not to mention the scars that i have due to the pregnancy. All the years of hard work of working out gone just like that. I tried to ask my husband several time do he think im still pretty? I mean I understand he not the type that says or do this romantic stuff. I would be in shock if he did too but i expect him to atleast try to understand. Highly expectation cause highly disappointment. Yes i got disappointed. 


But as time goes, i started working out, take a time of from the baby. Got myself my “me” time. Simply, i stop worrying too much about everything and just let Allah take care of it. Allah is the best planner. Whatever happen, happens for a reason. It helps. A lot. I am a control freak. I like to control anything and everything that i can. The things that i cant control give me anxiety. Like my husband. Haha. Some said i insecure. Im not, i just really hate i cannot control everything. I learn to let go a bit and it’s completely okey. Let go of the baby, let people help me, let things go with the flow.  Just remember everything will be alright. You’ll be okey.



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