What?

After birth, there’s this mix feeling keep bothering me. The facts that i need to accept my life change 360. Before labour i got to spend 24/7 with my husband due to MCO. We got to go breakfast together (my most favourite time to date), hangout in the same room. Talk. As u get older, u started to appreciate this little things and even crave for it. After labour, life change. You don't get to go breakfast anymore, because of the baby. Too risky to go out in this pandemic. Less time spending together because of the pandemic and baby and not to mention the tiredness of taking care of your newborn. No more quality sleep. No more eating in peace. No more me time and time with husband.  Above all that, what i was concerned about was will my husband look me the same way. Will he still think im pretty? Hot? All 11years together he only said once that im pretty. I mean i should not be bother. But i did at that time. I feel so ugly because of the tiredness. The trying to adjust to everything...

At 22weeks, did an ultrasound and the baby head is a bit big. I was asked to take the sugar drink to check my sugar level. At 37weeks, i undergo ECV where the doctor at hukm push the baby head into head-down position. Coz at that time the baby is still head-up position or breech, i was given an option to either do ECV, caesarean or baby come out bum 1st. Baby come out bum 1st was never an option for the doc, we the doctor advice too risky. Honestly, I already make up my mind to just accept caesarean as an option. But the doctor insisted to do ECV coz of my age, the position of the baby and etc. She so insisted that she even left me speechless and just agreed to do ECV. The ECV was successful.  On the 1/7/2020 blood come out. My sister advised to wait for a contraction every 5minutes. Around 4am i experience stomach pain, the kind of pain that I just can’t handle and cant really sleep. So I decided to go the the hospital, the doc in charge at that time, checked and said it only open...